Use an shmem_exit callback to remove backend from PMChildFlags on exit

Use an shmem_exit callback to remove backend from PMChildFlags on exit

This seems nicer than having to duplicate the logic between
InitProcess() and ProcKill() for which child processes have a
PMChildFlags slot.

Move the MarkPostmasterChildActive() call earlier in InitProcess(),
out of the section protected by the spinlock.

Reviewed-by: Andres Freund <andres@anarazel.de>
Discussion: https://www.postgresql.org/message-id/a102f15f-eac4-4ff2-af02-f9ff209ec66f@iki.fi